


Blame It On The Times

by imightbeadragon (orphan_account)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 17:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7516930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/imightbeadragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Lafayette are happily married, but things go to hell when John has an affair with Alex. **Based on the song Johnny Boy by Twenty One Pilots!!**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Calm Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> ive never written angst before, and I'm very open to advice!! Enjoy the suffering >:3

PROLOGUE

A sigh escaped John’s lips as Lafayette’s fingers twirled in his hair. He looked dreamily into his eyes, god, John could stare into those eyes forever. John craved Lafayette. He wanted to look at him, to hear him, to touch him. He rested his head on his husband’s shoulder. Lafayette carefully reached for his phone, so as not to disturb his partner, who was only half awake. He put on some music and turned the volume down slightly. Background noise always helped John sleep. The two of them had always bonded over music, and Laf played the song that had brought them so close together as he hummed along nurturingly. 

“~Get up, Johnny Boy, get up Johnny Boy, 

Get up, cause the world has left you lying on the ground.

You’re my pride and joy, you’re my pride and joy,

Get up Johnny Boy, because we all need you now~”

\------

CHAPTER 1

It was a better day than usual for John Laurens. Though his work was monotonous, there was an occasional spur-of-the-moment decision that brought vividity and excitement to the droll hours before he got home to his husband. Alexander Hamilton. That man had always been different, never hesitating, never thinking of consequences. His mindset was contagious. John had visited Alexander on more than one occasion, stopping to do more than just chat. They took risks, and it was worth it. Today he drove home whistling, the upbeat songs on the radio only furthering his bright mood.

His voice echoed in John’s ears. “I love you, Jack.”

The car’s tires kicked up pebbles and dirt as he pulled a little too quickly into the driveway. He grabbed his phone and texted Alexander.

‘ _ I had a great time ;) _ ’

He pulled his collar up a bit more than usual and strutted through the front door, taking note of how wonderfully the kids did helping Lafayette plant flowers in the front yard. There was no risk here, no thrill, no rush of adrenaline, his home was calm. Georges walked over to him and tugged on his dad’s shirt. He rubbed his eyes lazily and leaned on John’s leg. 

“Dad, Papa wants you to help him cook” Georges groaned, “He’s making dinner with Mar and Ana”

“Ok, I’ll go help him” John laughed. Laf was always trying to include their kids in everyday tasks. 

“John, mon ange, can you help the kids? The recipe is right here, I just need to check my phone.” He stretched and pointed to a recipe taped to the cabinet door and mouthed ‘love you’ before slipping out of the kitchen.

He unlocked his phone. There was one new text. From John.

‘ _ I had a great time ;) _ ’

Laf’s eyebrows furrowed and he squinted at his screen.  _ I’m not worried, _ he reminded himself.  _ I think too much.  _ He had always been worried about John cheating on him. It didn’t calm his insecurities to see John anxiously pull up the neck of his shirt when he looked at him, or the way he fiddled with his wedding ring before leaving for work.  _ No, Alex is too good of a friend to ruin something like this.  _ He took a deep breath and shook the anxiety from his head. 

He stared at his shaking hand.  _ No,  _ he thought,  _ I’m ok. John is faithful. _

“Papa!” Georges called, bringing the world around him back together, “Dinner’s ready!”

“Hurry, it’s gonna get cold!” Anastasia whined.

Dinner went quickly, John told jokes, and everyone laughed. He looked at Lafayette with such affection, you could feel the warmth he felt for him. For what seemed like mere minutes, the family sat around a table, enjoying each others’ company. No one wanted anything to change. 

\-----

John didn’t let his husband see him undress tonight. He had too much to hide.

\-----

They lay in bed across from one another. Occasionally, a car drove by outside of their room, sending rays of light running across the natural curves of their bodies. John shivered as Lafayette wrapped the linen sheet around them and pulled him closer. He pressed his lips onto Laf’s chest and tucked his head under his spouse’s neck, taking full advantage of the warmth his bare skin provided. It wasn’t long before he was barely hanging on to consciousness. The only thing on his mind was the larger man’s heartbeat.

“Jack, are you awake?” Lafayette whispered.

The only response was John moving his arm to wrap around him.

Another car passed, and the streams of dim light perfectly outlined John’s dappled shoulders. He could call each of his freckles by name, it was like looking at constellations, each star more perfect than the last. Tonight Lafayette held the night sky in his arms, and it was asleep. There was nothing he wouldn’t give to hold John forever.

\-----

The sun woke up before they did. It was fitting for light to be the symbol for truth, as the light hid nothing. The speck of fire that burned so brightly as the truth does and shined so intensely as wrath should lit the room. Lafayette meekly tossed the sheet covering him aside as he opened the blinds to let the honest morning sky in. 

John murmured and rubbed the haze out of his eyes. There was no sheet or clothing separating his skin from the dry judgement of the sun.

Lafayette noticed this.

“Jack, that mark wasn’t on your neck last time I saw.”

John shuddered at the nickname. Alex was the last person he heard call him that.  _ Alexander.  _ That name brought a pleasurable chill down his spine. He reached for the white blanket, a thin piece of cloth that gave him a mask of morality. 

“Take that off.”

He was catching on. 

“John.” Lafayette’s voice broke, shattering the thin layer of confidence he thought he had. ‘J- John, I got a text from you last night. What did it mean?”

He was shaking again.

John sat up, not pulling the linen down. There was no getting out of this.

“You’ve b- been seeing Alex haven’t you?” The man he thought was so strong finally cracked. 

Neither of them spoke.

“How long.”

The sheet fell, and his veil of self-preservation went with it. He had made a mistake. Laf ran his thumb over John’s collarbone, tracing the black holes on his perfect map of stars. There was a certain firmness he could feel, not in his touch, but his eyes. The feeling they once held was dripping away.

“How long,” he repeated.

John cried. Alexander was dangerous, and he kept going back. He didn’t stop until there were tracks of salt on his cheeks, and his red, puffy eyes were stung by the unforgiving rays of the sun. He wasn’t held in his husband’s arms this time.

He choked on his words.

“It’s been almost six months”


	2. He Goes to Lock the Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend after Lafayette found out about John's affair brought a big change to their house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HIGHLY RECOMMEND listening to Johnny Boy by Twenty One Pilots before reading this chapter. There are lyric references from the song in this chapter.

SATURDAY MORNING

Hatred and indifference were not opposites. At times like this, they went hand in hand. This wasn’t a hard concept for John to grasp, but he wished it wasn’t true. 

“I’m sorry.” John croaked. 

He didn’t look at his husband. Lafayette looked down at his wedding ring. That ring must’ve meant nothing to John, to him is was just a metal band he was obligated to wear. 

“Papa, is Dad ok?” 

Georges’ voice shook from outside their bedroom, proving that Lafayette wasn’t the only person who depended on John’s faithfulness.

“Henriette heard him crying,” he continued.

John was sitting on the bed alone, no longer bothering to cover up the hickeys Alexander had left on his neck. Lafayette stared down at him, his deep brown eyes didn’t have the same depth they did the night before, yet there was  _ something _ there he knew was aching for him. 

John reached out for a hug, getting up on his knees and wrapping his arms around Laf’s waist.

He sniffled softly, and whispered an apology with every breath he took. Lafayette rubbed John’s back, and neither of them wanted to let go. 

_ No, _ John thought.  _ That didn’t happen. _

Their bedroom swam around in his vision, and blurred chaos of his tear-welled eyes mirrored his anxiety. John decided it wasn’t healthy to hold back any tears, and as the bedroom door closed with his husband on the other side, the floodgates opened. Through sobs and hiccups he heard Lafayette telling the kids that ‘Dad will be sleeping on the couch tonight.’

\-----

The kids were outside, enjoying the bright day as thunderstorms brewed between John and Laf in the house.

“John, we need to talk.”

He couldn't say anything but ‘sorry.’

“Why did you do it?”

“I- I,” he tried to talk but it came out as gurgles and whispers. “He convinced me I love him.”

“Well clearly you love him more than me,” Laf’s voice rumbled, only to get louder.

“That’s not true!”

“Oh really.” John could tell he had so much more to say.

“I married you! Laf, I’m re-”

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU NOW, THOUGH, DOES IT.”

Through foggy eyes John heard a small clink, almost inaudible over Lafayette’s yelling, and his husband stormed off. His ring was on the floor in front of him.

\-----

SATURDAY NIGHT

It was late at night. John had only moved that day to go from their bedroom to the living room sofa. It wasn’t very soft. The cushions had been worn to the point where he could feel the frame underneath them, but they had owned it for so long that it was hard to replace. He grabbed his phone and earbuds to drown out any regret he had felt that day. 

Music. John needed music. 

He closed his eyes and buried his face in the armrest, trying to focus on the soothing harmonies. Every strum of a guitar led to a sigh, each drumbeat synchronized with his heart. 

_ ‘He stays home from work this time, _

_ He never really told his wife.  _

_ He never really told a lie, _

_ But this time he decides that it’s alright. _

_ It’s alright.’ _

John chastised himself for ever thinking he could get away with this. What made him think that Alexander was a game? Why did he make John think they were above consequences, taking a gamble, betting the sanctity of his own marriage? The color faded from the living room walls.

_ ‘No one really knows his mind, _

_ And no one knows behind his eyes. _

_ The man deserves a medal, _

_ But he’s never really won a prize before.’ _

Was withholding the truth really lying? John hadn’t told his spouse that Alexander had come to their own house more than once. He decided to keep that part a secret, and the world lost it’s hue.

_ ‘He goes to lock the door.’ _

John heard a click coming from the bedroom. His body felt heavy with guilt, longing for an arm around it, and he struggled to turn around. Sniffles and hiccups came from the other side of the door, failing to go unnoticed, despite the perfectly loud songs. He scratched at his neck, but not for long. Touching his neck only reminded him of the marks Alex left on him, and the turmoil that he caused. That they caused. This was his fault too.

Lafayette was weeping. The pillows he lay on were stained grey with salty raindrops, and the blanket wrapped around him seemed too large for just one body to use, but John chose to sleep with someone else. That bed wasn’t his anymore. Every gasp for air brought more tears to his eyes, and everything near him got swept up in his emotional hurricane. 

This wasn’t good for the family.

John wouldn't stay for long.

\-----

MONDAY MORNING

John silently got ready to leave for work. Normally, Marie and Henriette would gag at the sight of their fathers kissing, as any child does with their parents, but the absence of contact between them wasn’t any better. He had barely spoken to his husband since he learned about the affair with Alexander, but they had tried to act as they usually did around the kids. Neither of them wanted their children to worry. 

John opened the front door and waved to his family. 

“I’ll see you this afternoon! Have a good time at school, kids! I love you, Laf,” John desperately tried to pry any sign of affection out of him.

“See you this afternoon.” was the only reply.

Henriette was the first to get on the bus. Laf smiled warmly and kissed the girl, as always, sending her off for the day with love. Today was no different. The bus screeched impatiently as he walked back, and with a puff, it moved on. 

Georges, Marie and Ana didn’t wait for his father to get inside to start asking questions. 

“Why haven’t you been talking to Dad?”

“Is he ok?”

“Do you not want to kiss him anymore?”

Their incessant need for answers hit him like a cold breeze.

“It’s complicated. You kids are too young to worry about us, okay? Now go get ready for school.” 

He looked at them with sympathy and urged them to pack their things. 

\-----

MONDAY AFTERNOON

The house was empty, and the trees outside wavered nervously. Lafayette nearly burned a hole in the floor as he paced, trudging back and forth and fidgeting with anything he got his hands on. John’s bags were waiting for him on the front step. The luggages were clearly inanimate, but something about them seemed to be moving, staring at him with disapproval.

He didn’t want to do this.

John was coming home early that day.  _ ‘I have something personal to handle,’  _ he told his boss.  _ ‘I hope you understand.’  _ He rushed home, regret eating away at him like maggots. His skin had lost it’s normal pallor, leaving him looking nauseous. He was. The familiar pings of rocks on the tires only worsened his panic. 

Lafayette was outside, breathing shallowly and rubbing his eyes. He looked out at John and quickly averted his gaze, shoving the suitcases in front of him. It was almost calming to have a barrier between them now.

“These are yours.” He murmured dryly. His ponytail wasn’t neatly pulled back then, and he was disheveled and tired looking. 

“Honey, I came back to ap-”

“No.” Laf said apathetically. “Do you know how terrible you are?”

John couldn't look up. He tried to say sorry but it was just blubbers. There was nothing he could do to redeem himself.

“I’m s- s…” That was never going to be a real word.

Laf’s deep brown eyes softened, if only for a moment, melting for his husband who was a breath away from sobbing. 

_ No, _ he stiffened.  _ You have to do this.  _

He straightened his back.

“At least you know you can stay with  _ one person. _ ” Lafayette muttered, making sure John knew what he meant. “You should leave before the kids get home.”

“L- Laf, I love you,” John stuttered.

“And despite how much you say that, you still went to  _ him. _ ”

John shakily reached for his bags. The plastic handles felt out of place in his hands, of course they weren’t supposed to be there. He saw Laf turning around in the corner of his eye, shutting the door behind him with a soft hiccup. He always hiccuped when he cried, this time was no exception. 

John was going to see Alex again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John and Laf have five kids for anyone who's confused. Their names are Frances, Henriette, Marie, Georges and Anastasie. I'm so excited to have alex in this story!!! if you have any questions/comments/concerns, please say so!


	3. Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John isn't welcome in his house anymore, so he goes to the only place he can. (also a super cool flashback)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took too long to upload wtf... anyway I hope u guys enjoy this super plot heavy chapter!!

MONDAY AFTERNOON

For now, John was homeless. Not in a traditional sense, as he could always stay with Alexander. He would have a roof over his head, food to eat, all the necessities for a house fit to live in. But he wouldn’t be home. Home was where he was with his husband, where his children could run between his feet; They could be a handful, but there was nothing he wanted more than to raise them with the love of his life, and now he wasn’t allowed in the house where his family resided. 

\-----

ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO

“John, she’s beautiful.” Alex whispered, Clutching the smallest of the Lafayette-Laurens children.

Frances was so young, so new. She lay nearly sleeping in Alexander’s arms as he sat between the two husbands. Three pairs of eyes lit up in unison as she yawned. Alex’s lighthearted smile faded away quickly, replaced by an empty stare. The heavy bags under his tired eyes seemed a lot more visible. Laf shifted on the couch cushion. He had spent enough time around Alex to know when something was wrong. 

“Hey Alex, Gil, I’ve got an early day tomorrow, so I need to go to bed.” John said quietly.

They nodded, unable to tear their gaze from Frances. She was mesmerizing. John petted his husband’s unkempt hair and made his way to their room. It didn’t take long for him to start hearing the two of them talking.

“You can tell me. It will stay between us.”

“You’d just get mad at me.”

John squirmed under the covers, taking minutes to get himself in the perfect position. The blankets rustled over him before finally floating down onto his bare limbs. He was still conscious enough to make out part of their conversation.

“I see so much of him when I look at her”

“So do I.”

“Maybe I just… started thinking about it. I mean, about what it would be like if she was my kid too.”

John didn’t hear anything for a while after Alex said that.

“I never really stopped loving John. After you two got together I… I couldn't help but put myself in your shoes. You’re so lucky.” 

All the talk that followed was too quiet to decipher. 

\-----

A FEW DAYS LATER

John was making lunch alone while Lafayette went out to run errands. The house was empty, all except for him and Frances, who sat in her highchair nearby. His thoughts were plagued with doubt. John never doubted his heart, not once since he and Laf were together. He knew Alexander had feelings for him before that, and since he overheard their conversation John’s feelings for him had begun to resurface. His heart was uncertain and vulnerable.

There was a soft knock at the door.

“John? Can I come in?”

He set his sandwich down.

“Hey, Alex. Is something wrong?” He watched Alex wring his hands. 

“I just wanted to see Frances again!”

Alex put on a nervous grin, not even asking to enter before making his way past John. He reached to pick her up out of her highchair and cradled her in his arms.

“She looks just like you” Alex sighed.

“Yeah, you said that last time too.” John chuckled, then stopped. Alex didn’t know he was eavesdropping those few days ago.

“What?” Alex asked. “Wait, were you listening to us?”

He put the baby back in her seat. 

“Y- yeah…” John said. “You said you still loved me.”

“I don’t wanna interrupt anything between you and your husband, I promise! I just get really flustered around you and... Listen, it’s not important.”

Alex’s complexion was beyond flustered when John grabbed his arms, They stood in each others’ embrace for what seemed like only seconds. John was deep in thought, his eyes never leaving Alex’s as his expression went from hostile to thoughtful to saddened. Though John would never admit it, his sureness of his undying love for his husband faltered in those moments, and in those moments, he thought of Alexander.

“Alex... I like you a lot.”

He leaned closer. 

“I should have never told laf about this…” Alex whispered.

John wrapped his arms around Alex’s thin torso a little tighter, the two of them swayed ever so slightly to the rhythm of their hearts.

He placed a kiss on the side of Alex’s neck.

The swaying stopped. John pulled away and looked at Alex, his eyes full of sorrow, but also of satisfaction. Alex felt the light touch of John’s fingertips lining his jaw. He felt the warmth of John’s breath as they both drifted closer, and he felt the temptation in John’s voice when he admitted.

“I love you Alexander. It isn’t right, but I love you.”

John gave in.

\-----

MONDAY AFTERNOON

The stoplight glittered red as he pulled up to it. He could have easily kept driving. This was the last light before he got to Alex’s house. He recalled the times he had stopped by his modest residence, a simple house in a simple neighborhood. It nearly matched the addresses around it, but it was not the same.

He pulled into his lover’s driveway. The tires moved silently. It was perfectly paved, and it was unsettlingly quiet. 

“Alex, we need to talk,” John rehearsed, “No, um... Alex...”

He breathed in shakily, tapping the steering wheel, clearly stalling. He didn’t want to get out of his car.

Alex peered out of his front window. He rubbed his neck, looking down at the windowsill he was leaning on. John was early. He seemed to be struggling to get out of his car, reaching for the handle, but never grabbing it. Alex turned around leisurely and waltzed towards the door. His whistles broke the comfortable silence of the household as he spun past a dark sofa, a chair, a coffee table. He reached for the doorknob.

_ Ding! _

Right on cue. 

“Johnny! It’s so nice to see you,” Alex opened the door and gestured for John to enter. 

“Hi, Alex,” John said, “Listen I-”

Alex’s arm was already wrapped around John’s slender waist, pulling him in for an unwanted kiss. John sighed and pulled away. 

“Alex…”

He felt the hot press of Alex’s lips on his once more. This time John felt himself melt into it, his shoulders releasing tension as Alex moved his affections lower, now grazing his neck. He almost didn’t want to tell Alex what he had to, but the confession escaped him.

“Laf knows about us.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait!! probably not lmao but oh well I tried. alex is terrible and he will be getting a lot meaner in the next chapter so Be Excited


End file.
